Ask Amy: I am in love with my son-in-law’s brother. Now I am unable to see my grandkid.

Expensive Amy: I’m an older lady who fell in love with a person 17 years youthful than me. I really like this man with every little thing I’ve. We met about 5 years in the past at my residence throughout Thanksgiving.

Sadly for us, his brother is married to my daughter.

I’ve virtually raised their daughter from infancy; she’s going into second grade this 12 months. When my boyfriend and I began seeing one another, my son-in-law determined he would punish me by protecting my granddaughter away from me. (She was 4 on the time.)

The strain and ache I endured was overwhelming and I broke up with the primary man I’ve ever liked, who I used to be utterly snug with, so as to spend time with my granddaughter.

Then, final 12 months, my man and I reunited. I really like him extra day-after-day, however the identical factor occurred once more — my granddaughter wasn’t allowed to return to my residence anymore and my son-in-law treats me like dust. So we broke up once more as a result of the ache is nearly insufferable for each of us.

I would really like your ideas on this, please, as a result of I need assistance. I don’t wish to reside a depressing life with out the love of my life.

Heartbroken: I’m going to take it as a on condition that your companion doesn’t current any dangers to your granddaughter, and that your son-in-law’s remedy of you is a mirrored image of the craze he feels at his notion that you’re encroaching upon his household.

Nowhere right here do you point out your daughter, who’s married to this controlling and abusive man. He’s managing to regulate the lives of 4 individuals: his spouse, his brother, you, and your granddaughter. Maybe it’s time that somebody stood as much as him.

You’ll be able to’t stand as much as him in case your coronary heart is aching and breaking, and so you’ll have to practice your self to resist the ensuing separation. It would assist in the event you see your individual alternative as sending a robust message to each your daughter and granddaughter: “I gained’t let him management me.”

Reside your life. A counselor might make it easier to and your companion to navigate the nervousness you are feeling. You also needs to seek the advice of with a lawyer. In my state, grandparents can file a authorized petition for visitation.

Expensive Amy: My long-ago ex-husband’s father not too long ago died.

Throughout our marriage, I used to be near his siblings and fogeys, and post-marriage we’ve got maintained cordial, if considerably distant, relationships. He and I share two youngsters, who at the moment are in faculty. We’re each remarried (I consider fortunately).

My ex and his sibling (who’s arranging the memorial service) have invited me to attend the service and reception afterward. The service is in one other metropolis, and I might journey there and want to pay my respects, however I don’t wish to encroach on anybody’s grief, and I don’t need my presence to make anybody uncomfortable.

Our kids will probably be there and can stick with their dad and his spouse for a couple of days. What do your instincts inform you about this?

Questioning: You’ve been invited, and I believe it’s a good suggestion to attend, if you wish to. Run this previous your youngsters, and allow them to know that you simply perceive they are going to be with their father throughout this era.

I attended the memorial celebration for my ex’s mother or father, underneath very related circumstances. I saved to the fringes of the service and reception, paid my respects personally, after which quietly slipped out (after which stopped at a close-by bar and loved a stiff drink).

This felt just like the turning of a web page on an essential chapter of my very own life, and I am glad I did it. I hope you’ll really feel the identical.

Expensive Amy: Thanks in your reasoned response to “Second Place Mother,” whose daughter had invited Dad on an unique “father/daughter” journey.

I appreciated your suggestion that the daughter may need observed that her dad had aged lots in between their uncommon conferences. This occurred with my father. He appeared to age a decade in a 12 months, and I panicked about spending particular time with him. He fooled us all (thank goodness), and lived effectively for one more 20 years.

Grateful: I’m pleased you two loved so many “bonus” years collectively.

© 2023 by Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content material Company.

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