Ask Amy: I hate the place we dwell, however my husband doesn’t need to transfer


Pricey Amy, I’m 64 and retired. My husband is 62 and has his personal home-based enterprise. He stated he was going to retire, however now he’s saying he’ll work half time so that we’ll have extra cash “to play.”

We moved to an especially small city, which has only a few leisure alternatives. It entails over two hours of driving to get all however essentially the most primary of medical care. Many of the ladies right here grew up with their mates and aren’t welcoming.

There’s additionally snow on the bottom for six months of the 12 months, and I’ve bodily issues that make it troublesome and dangerous for me to stroll in it. My husband is joyful right here. He has mates via his work and doesn’t actually care about spending time with individuals.

He’s an out of doors man. All I do is watch TV with him or look ahead to him to not be working. I need to transfer to a spot the place I’ve extra choices for friendship and leisure, however he refuses to maneuver.

He doesn’t prefer to journey, and I’m afraid the remainder of my life shall be spent dwelling on this fishbowl the place I can solely look exterior and be alone. He rejects the thought of on the lookout for one other place and turns into indignant after I convey it up.

Trapped: Your husband’s “play fund” appears to use solely to him. There doesn’t appear to be a lot play in your life. I assume that you’ve got executed your utmost to have interaction within the social lifetime of your chilly house. Becoming a member of e-book teams, volunteering on the library or getting a part-time job would assist to maintain you engaged and energetic.

You might be sad. You might be chilly. Your well being is in danger. You haven’t adjusted to life on this place.

For the rest of this winter, you may spend time researching choices. Do you have got mates or relations dwelling in additional congenial locales? In that case, you need to look into alternate options for locations to remain for no less than the worst of the winter. You may be capable of lease or share a room in an reasonably priced space.

My general level is that you simply clearly really feel trapped, however maybe you shouldn’t look to your husband for options.

Pricey Amy: Some longtime mates and I hadn’t seen one another for years and just lately received collectively for a couple of days to reconnect. Whereas at a restaurant for lunch, one buddy discreetly picked up the tab. Upon discovering out the invoice was taken care of, “Alice” vocally refused this sort gesture and requested the waitress, “Are you able to reverse the cost?”

I quietly stated, “Alice, simply say thanks. It’s the swish factor to do.” Alice received upset and loudly questioned: “Did you simply inform me what to do?” — drawing the eye of the remainder of our desk. She made a face at me, gave me “the hand” and turned to the waitress, saying, “Don’t you simply hate it when different individuals let you know what to do?” The waitress stood there awkwardly. I stated nothing, however it rattled me.

Now that we’re all again house, I wished to comply with up with Alice and kind this out, however each my sister, my husband and one other buddy who was there have all suggested me to only let it’s. Sadly, I’m nonetheless dwelling on it.

Throughout this awkward second, did I behave inappropriately? Maybe I ought to have simply stated nothing and let it play out between Alice, the buddy who paid the invoice and the waitress? How may I higher deal with such a state of affairs ought to it occur once more?

Misplaced: Given how this episode performed out, I assume you would like you’d stayed quiet, and but you probably did nothing fallacious. You supplied a buddy your light suggestions (I agree with you, by the best way), and she or he aggressively and publicly shut you down.

I’m unsure why you’ll need to contact “Alice” to type this out, aside from to ask for an apology for her harshness, which you certainly wouldn’t obtain.

Pricey Amy: I’m nonetheless bothered by the letter from “Nameless,” a self-described “man-child” who desires no children, pets, house — or any grownup obligations. I ponder who he thinks will care for him when he wants care?

Grown Up: Caregiving in elder years isn’t the one motive to have youngsters, however — if you happen to increase them proper — children can definitely turn out to be useful.

© 2023 by Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content material Company.

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