Ask Amy: I need a relationship with newly discovered niece; father doesn’t


Expensive Amy: I not too long ago did DNA ancestry testing, hoping to find relations of my father, who died once I was very younger.

To my shock, I discovered that I’ve a niece. I’ve one brother, and he’s a confirmed bachelor, however apparently, he fathered a baby 40 years in the past. Once I instructed him of those DNA outcomes, he appeared shocked. He additionally indicated that he had no real interest in assembly or pursuing a relationship along with his newfound daughter.

I requested if he would object if my son and I reached out to her. He requested that we not pursue a relationship.

Because the months glided by, I felt a longing to satisfy her. She was already following us on social media, so it appears that evidently she might need already been conscious of the connection earlier than I linked the DNA dots. I solely have one son, and no nieces or nephews.

Towards my brother’s needs, I reached out to her, and my son and I met her for dinner. She appears to be a stunning younger lady and we mutually need to pursue a household relationship. I’d like to introduce her to my mother, her grandmother, who’s 95 years previous. I actually suppose she would like to know that she has a granddaughter.

For sure, my brother was dissatisfied that I didn’t respect his needs and particularly requested that I not inform our mom. I’m simply brokenhearted. I nonetheless plan on seeing my niece, however I simply want my brother would come round. Any ideas?

Anguished: You requested your brother for permission to contact your niece and he mentioned no, however you went forward and did so, anyway. You’ve requested him about connecting your niece together with her grandmother, and he has mentioned no. I counsel that you simply achieve this, anyway.

On condition that your brother didn’t find out about his organic daughter’s existence and has since declared that he doesn’t need to have something to do together with her, I’d say that he doesn’t actually have any declare on her or any authority to disclaim different relations entry to her.

The one method your brother may come round is in case you proceed to acknowledge and preserve a relationship with this very good lady as a member of the family. I counsel that you simply achieve this overtly (not protecting this a secret from him), whereas not pressuring or forcing a relationship onto him that he’s not able to have.

Expensive Amy: I’m one among a bunch of moms who’ve been buddies for a very long time. Our group consists of “Betty” and “Jane.” Betty’s daughter, “Belle,” and Jane’s daughter, “Jill,” attend the identical highschool.

Belle and Jill was good buddies however bought crosswise with one another a few 12 months in the past. Then their moms bought concerned. The scenario has escalated into an all-out struggle between the 2 households, with accusations and counteraccusations of bullying, and the involvement of the highschool principal. Suppose “Warfare of the Roses” depth.

We buddies are attempting to remain impartial. We love each these girls and their daughters, and we hate to see these hostilities destroying these two households. Do you suppose there may be something we will do to de-escalate the scenario?

Distressed: Given the extent of animus and the way in which it has escalated, I don’t imagine it’s inside your energy to direct these fighters to vary, however you may be capable of affect them to at the very least contemplate the bigger penalties of this discord and the influence on their friendships.

Since you’ve written to me, you may attempt to draft a letter to ship to each girls (ship the identical letter to each).

With out taking sides or re-litigating this battle, you possibly can converse out of your coronary heart concerning the influence this has had in your friendship. Recall a constructive reminiscence involving each from earlier than this battle began, and inform them how unhappy this has made you. Finish with, “I want you’ll discover a solution to work this out.”

Expensive Amy: I guffawed once I noticed a reference in your column to the parenting torture that’s the sport “Candyland.” This was once you had been responding to the query from “No Gaslight” about mendacity to youngsters about Santa Claus. My mom used to rig the playing cards to make the sport as brief as attainable.

Paul: I like this. A savvy sport designer ought to launch: “Candyland Revenge: Rigged Version.”

©2022 by Amy Dickinson distributed by Tribune Content material Company

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