Ask Amy: I stated I would assist with the resort invoice — not pay the entire thing


Expensive Amy: My grownup niece lives a number of hundred miles away, and stated she wished to return go to us in Florida together with her husband and their new child. Since they each work, the go to can be just for three or 4 days.

I stated after all, and we tossed dates round. I gave them some suggestions of beachfront inns inside strolling distance from our condominium, because it’s not giant sufficient to soak up two extra adults and a child. I stated I may “assist” with their resort prices. I plan on selecting up the tab for meals once we are collectively.

A couple of weeks in the past, she let me know that they didn’t choose one of many inns inside strolling distance to our condominium, however fairly they booked themselves in a resort-style resort, 10 miles away. This may imply extra shuffling round, as every part shall be accomplished by automobile.

She then stated that she didn’t need me to get “sticker shock,” however I ought to know the resort invoice can be $1,700. I had been considering maybe I may contribute $500 to their housing prices, which might have come near overlaying their complete keep for just a few nights in an area resort.

They’re of their early 40s and each work. I need to be gracious, and I’m joyful they’re making the hassle to go to. However I used to be shocked to study that my supply to “assist” was translated to selecting up a big resort invoice.

I doubt I’ve ever paid that a lot for myself in a resort. If I’d identified I must choose up the tab, I in all probability would have recommended one other time of yr when costs should not at seasonal highs.

This has left me feeling a bit taken benefit of. Do you will have any recommendations for a way I’d take pleasure in their go to with out being resentful?

Conflicted: Your niece has handed you a gap, in addition to the language to make use of when responding.

And so you possibly can say, “Sure — ha-ha — I do have sticker shock, and thanks for understanding that price can be a problem for us. We will afford to contribute $500 towards your keep, and can be joyful to try this. Different inns alongside the seashore are way more reasonably priced, however I’ll depart it as much as you to make your choice. Trying ahead to seeing you!”

Expensive Amy: I’ve a 13-year-old daughter. She is an efficient child, has good buddies, does fairly properly in class and participates in theater. She’s additionally headed into these more durable teen years. She’s moody, however doesn’t appear depressed. Doesn’t appear to like hanging out with household the way in which she used to.

However I keep in mind some of these things from my very own teen years. Anyway, she simply advised me that she needs to shave her head. (She has actually beautiful hair, by the way in which.)

I’m unsure the right way to react to this, and I’m questioning what you suppose?

Confused: Hair is without doubt one of the few renewable sources we people possess. My level is that monkeying with hair is without doubt one of the lower-impact selections a teen could make.

Shaving her head appears a radical alternative, however it’s a more healthy one (in my view) than wanting extensions, as an illustration. You need to ask her why she needs to do that, not freak out about it, and guarantee that if she decides to do it, she considers the chance to donate her hair to Locks of Love, Wigs for Youngsters, or one other charitable group.

Expensive Amy: I’m a monetary adviser and have been for the final 20 years. I disagree together with your recommendation to “Doting Dad” relating to monetary disclosure and sharing their will with their grownup kids.

Provided that the children and spouses are all deemed reliable and trustworthy, I’d say it’s higher to present them some element. They don’t want account numbers however realizing that Dad has an IRA at XXX price XXX is nice information for them.

If one thing occurs to Mother and Dad, it’s higher to have a operating begin on these items. Discussing what kind of accounts there are and what they’re invested in early may be very useful. There have been just a few occasions in my profession the place the children do not know what’s the place and it’s a mess to kind out.

Adviser: You and I agree that these mother and father ought to disclose “some element” about their estates. Thanks for sharing your experience.

©2022 by Amy Dickinson distributed by Tribune Content material Company

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