Ask Amy: I’m apprehensive my dad’s new girlfriend is making the most of him


Expensive Amy: My father, who’s 83, was “picked up” by a girl of the identical age at a senior middle dance. She moved in with him straight away.

She began out as being good, however then she began to make up tales, telling our father that my youthful brother was stealing cash.

She picked a combat with my siblings and ended up convincing our father to not have any contact with us. She is not going to let me converse with him.

We’re not in a position to talk in any respect with Dad, and this considerations me. This girl has instructed my father quite a few lies, and I’m very troubled that she could also be stealing cash from him. Any ideas or recommendation?

Frightened: I agree that any time a romance takes place at high velocity after which rapidly turns into the reason for household estrangement is trigger for fear. So-called “romance scams” are on the rise, and the aged are susceptible. One would possibly assume that an aged girl won’t perpetrate a romance rip-off, and but — why not? You would possibly examine this girl’s background.

You do not point out your father’s well being, and at this level you won’t concentrate on any well being considerations as a result of you haven’t had entry to him, however he could be experiencing cognitive decline or different well being issues that render him extra susceptible to her management.

In your state (Oregon) you possibly can name to report your considerations about an grownup being remoted or abused: 1-855-503-SAFE (7233). This can be a statewide hotline to report abuse or neglect, and the decision goes to the Division of Human Companies.

You possibly can additionally contact your native Space Company on Getting older (AAA) to talk with a case employee to see if they’ll conduct a wellness examine at your father’s residence.

Expensive Amy: My ex from over 40 years in the past died final week. I’m 79 and I’ve a 50-year-old daughter with my ex. The ex named his different two kids as beneficiaries on his life insurance coverage. He didn’t title my daughter as a beneficiary.

My ex and I have been by no means married, however he did marry the mom of his different two kids. My daughter is harm by this omission. He was a troubled man with substance abuse points.

I offered my daughter with an attractive life. She is a profitable individual with a grasp’s diploma and is properly appreciated by everybody who is aware of her.

I say that we should always not attend his funeral. Do you assume that we should always attend, or ought to we offer the final word snub to him, as he doesn’t deserve our presence at this funeral?

Upset: I say that this determination shouldn’t in any method be in your arms. Your daughter is a 50-year-old girl who has the accountability to make this selection on her personal.

You don’t point out something about what sort of relationship she had along with her father.

Typically, I do consider that attending a memorial service might help to heal even an advanced emotional connection. It is very important formally say goodbye — even when what you’re saying goodbye to is a difficult a part of your personal fractured historical past.

Your solely job right here is to encourage your daughter to make the selection that serves her the perfect and to help her selection. Attending this funeral is not going to erase her wounded emotions. However egging her on to retaliate is not going to erase her wounded emotions, both — in truth, I consider that an try to punish her father (even symbolically) may backfire and amplify her unhappiness and anger.

Moreover — given your relationship with and angle towards the deceased — I’m questioning why your presence at this service is even in play. No matter what your daughter decides to do, except she expressly asks you to attend to help her, it is best to undoubtedly keep residence.

Expensive Amy: I kindly disagree along with your response to “Big Tipper.”

Whereas 18 to twenty % has usually been thought-about the suitable quantity for sit-down service, that very same quantity shouldn’t be thought-about acceptable for takeout orders, the place folks do a lot much less service and take much less time.

I additionally really feel badgered and scrutinized when the bank card machine is thrust at me with the one straightforward choices for tipping boldly labeled: 18 %, 20 %, 25 %.

I usually tip roughly 10 % for to-go orders. Even post-covid.

Obstinate: I perceive the stress to tip on the automated bank card reader, however one choice can also be “no tip.”

©2022 by Amy Dickinson distributed by Tribune Content material Company

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