Previously couple of years, I’ve began to really feel uncomfortable round one in every of their male pals, “Biff.” He has by no means completed or stated something particular, however I can’t assist however simply really feel this … icky vibe once I’m round him. It’s little issues, like simply leaning in too shut when he talks to me, holding eye contact too lengthy, and “teasing” in a means that if it was coming from a person my age I’d understand as particular flirting.
My mother and father are planning a weekend trip on the finish of the summer season at an Airbnb. They plan to ask a number of of their friend-couples, together with this man and his spouse. I actually wish to go, however I can’t shake this nagging feeling that I shall be spending the weekend avoiding him and never desirous to put on a swimsuit in entrance of him.
I’ve completely no thought the best way to carry this as much as my mother and father.
I don’t have any quantifiable examples to provide them or incidents to quote as to why he makes me really feel this manner, they usually’ve been pals with this household so lengthy that I’m truthfully scared to carry it up and trigger a rift or any form of stress.
What do you suppose I ought to do?
Conflicted: You perceive that your of us have the best to ask their pals to hitch them on their trip. You additionally perceive that if any of those individuals make you extraordinarily uncomfortable, then you could possibly both confront him or keep away from contact by staying away.
It’s critical that you simply hearken to your personal instincts, even should you lack particular proof to level to. It is best to inform your of us that you simply’ve determined to not be a part of them. In the event that they ask you why, you need to inform them, in truth, that you’re uncomfortable round “Biff,” and so that you’ve determined to keep away from him.
Your mother and father would possibly dismiss your considerations in some anticipated methods: “Oh, he’s innocent; he does that to all the beautiful girls,” and so on. You’ll be able to then inform them that you simply suppose he’s a skeeve, and that you simply don’t really feel like smiling whereas he close-talks, flirts and stares down your bikini high.
Emphasize that you simply don’t want to management who they preserve friendships and select to spend time with. Don’t ask them to disinvite this couple. Inform them you perceive it is a long-standing friendship, however that that is your private selection, primarily based in your experiences and instincts.
Expensive Amy: I’ve a pal who has lately determined to take it upon himself to ask himself to sure social events. For instance, he lately contacted me within the following scenario: “I perceive you’re having dinner with the Browns tomorrow. Do you thoughts if we be a part of you?”
In one other occasion, I invited him to hitch a bunch for lunch and he requested me to vary the date. When I didn’t change the date, he requested me to vary the time. One of these scenario has come up a number of instances with him.
I discover this habits to be presumptuous and impolite. Am I being too skinny skinned? How ought to I deal with it?
Skinny Skinned: When somebody approaches you with an unreasonable request, it helps to needless to say anybody can ask something, so long as they’re ready for an sincere reply.
Your pal sounds higher-maintenance than most. Simply as he can ask something of you, so are you able to ask: “Do you notice that you’ve a behavior of tinkering with my well-laid plans?”
Expensive Amy: I want to supply a response to the latest retiree (“Life Is Good”) who puzzled the best way to reply when individuals ask him what he does all day.
A few years in the past, I used to be given this glorious reply, and want to share it with him and anybody else who could discover this beneficial, (and humorous): “I do nothing, however I do it within the morning so my afternoons are free.”
It tends to go away the questioner both speechless or amused. Both one works for me.
M: Readers have provided many genius responses to this query. This one’s a winner.
© 2023 by Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content material Company.
