Ask Amy: Should I reconnect with my former best friend?


Dear Amy: I recently found out my ex-best friend is engaged and pregnant. “Tracy” and I grew up together and were best friends for 30 years.

Tracy is a difficult friend. I even have journal entries from when I was 9 years old saying, “Tracy was mean to me today.”

She has always been insecure and has had a history of having too much wine and picking fights, reducing people to tears. We often took space after these moments, then brushed it under the rug and rebounded.

I felt a responsibility to be her best friend, because she had so few and couldn’t hold down a healthy relationship.

Two years ago, we stopped speaking after a fight in which I called her out on being flaky to me. This time, we never rebounded.

Tracy is a bully. She is toxic, unreliable and indiscreet.

I decided that enough is enough, unless she wanted to take accountability for her actions. In the meantime, she has secured a healthy relationship (I’m assuming) with a man I actually set her up with three years ago.

I’m very happy for her and I have missed her, but truly, I haven’t missed her drama.

My question is: Now that time has passed, should I try to reconnect with her, acknowledging these big events happening in her life?

Former Friend: If you are able to contact “Tracy” to acknowledge these events without getting sucked into her drama, then yes, it would be kind for you to do so.

Keep your note, text or call short, polite and happy, and keep in mind your desire and need for boundaries before you contact her.

Dear Readers: The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, 800-273-8255, has recently changed its name and made it easier for people to make contact.

The Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is now a simple three-digit contact: 988. (The previous number can still be used indefinitely.)

The very helpful website address is now

I urge parents and teachers to do their best to spread the word.

©2022 by Amy Dickinson distributed by Tribune Content Agency

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