Ask Amy: The person I am seeing posts about his different dates on Fb

Pricey Amy: I’m a 45-year-old divorced girl with a reasonably lively social media presence. After my divorce, I dated somebody with no social media, so it was simple.

After that ended, I met somebody by means of a good friend. He instantly urged that we join on Fb. We’ve been out fairly a number of instances and it’s been nice, however he’s relationship different individuals. That’s tremendous — and I’m open to seeing different individuals, too.

I’m not even positive of my emotions for him, however seeing posts about his numerous dates and his lively social life makes me uncomfortable. I can inform who else he’s relationship from his posts. It makes me curious and jealous in a method that I don’t like.

What do individuals nowadays do about social media after they’re relationship, however not settled? Ought to I mute him? Not join with individuals on social media till the connection is severe? I do know individuals discuss social media being poisonous to youngsters, however I believe the age vary needs to be prolonged!

What’s the protocol? How do I defend myself from myself?

Confused: Many individuals really “meet” on social media, however they’re in one other class, as a result of they already know and are drawn to the opposite particular person’s model of sharing. Your man is utilizing Fb like a seventh-grader (not that children nowadays use FB), and it’s triggering you to react like a seventh-grader.

You recognize the truism about STDs: whenever you’re sleeping with one particular person, you’re really sleeping with all of the individuals they’ve slept with. Fb is like that. While you join on social media with somebody you’re relationship, you turn out to be tangentially linked with everybody they’re relationship. No one desires that.

For you, I believe it’s wisest to make use of social media the way in which all of the millennials I do know do: Lock it down. Be extraordinarily even handed about what you submit and personal about your sharing circles. Mute or conceal his posts, and if you’d like, you possibly can test him out during times whenever you’re curious or within the temper (no drunk-scrolling allowed).

Sooner or later, it is likely to be finest for you to not dive right into a Fb connection early on with somebody you’re seeing. That is one of the best ways to save lots of you from your self — it additionally saves you having to undergo the entire “unfriending” course of afterward, if issues don’t work out.

Pricey Amy: My spouse and I have been associates with one other couple for greater than 40 years. The spouse died and now we have remained shut with the husband. After his spouse’s dying, the husband began relationship and met a girl that he needed us to satisfy. The 4 of us met for dinner after which had dessert at our house.

Through the night we continued to ask inquiries to the visitor about kids, journey, life experiences, pursuits, and so on., nonetheless, the lady by no means requested us something throughout the a number of hours collectively, and it is a purple flag for us. Our good friend desires us to share his new good friend with us, nonetheless, we’re hesitant to have interaction once more.

How will we deal with this? Strive one other night?

Involved: I fully agree that somebody who doesn’t present any curiosity in others is an enormous purple flag. However contemplate this: After your night collectively, your good friend’s date might need stated to him, “Wow, what’s with all of the questions? Why the third diploma?”

My level is that though you and your spouse sound very gracious, assembly very pricey associates is a nerve-racking expertise for somebody simply coming onto the scene. This girl might need felt overwhelmed, and was doing her finest to maintain up by answering questions in a method that might endear and impress you.

I at all times suppose {that a} good icebreaker to immediate a newly relationship couple is, “Inform us the story of the way you met.” This often entails each events excitedly buying and selling backwards and forwards, and particulars about their very own lives begin to spill out.

I hope you’ll give her a number of extra possibilities to loosen up right into a extra pure give-and-take.

Pricey Amy: You state that it’s now normal to tip the stylist/barber even when they personal the enterprise. I want to know who got here up with this normal. I really feel like we have gotten an overtipping society.

Tipping: I make the foundations! (Simply kidding.)

There’s an elevated consciousness of a widening divide between service suppliers and their purchasers. Increased wages or added “service costs” may diminish tipping, because it has accomplished in another international locations.

© 2023 by Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content material Company.

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