Ask Amy: What do I say to the dad and mom whose children spoiled a live performance?


Expensive Amy: I not too long ago attended a neighborhood band live performance, which was spoiled by young children within the viewers, crying and fussing. To make issues worse, the household was sitting on the entrance of the auditorium, in order that they added to the distraction by not solely strolling the whole size of the auditorium to take away the crying kids, but in addition returning with them later — all the best way to the entrance.

What’s improper with thoughtless individuals who break a pleasing expertise, not just for the opposite concertgoers, but in addition for the performers who’ve labored laborious to placed on the efficiency? I perceive that folks need to expose their kids to various cultural experiences, however until the venue has a household “cry room,” they need to not count on them to sit down nonetheless for an extended efficiency.

What ought to one say to those dad and mom? Inform them to sit down within the again row, to allow them to make a hasty exit with fussy kids? Ask them to go away and never come again? Depart the kiddies at house with a babysitter?

— Distracted Concertgoer

Distracted: It’s a disgrace that younger members of the neighborhood spoiled your expertise at a neighborhood live performance.

However there’s an previous showbiz saying that I consider applies right here: Them’s the breaks, sister!

It is a neighborhood live performance. Neighborhood bands and choruses are fantastic organizations the place devoted novice musicians mud off devices from the again of their coat closets, attend quite a few rehearsals, and carry out for a grateful and understanding viewers. It is a enjoyable and difficult alternative to point out your chops alongside your folks and neighbors and to carry out in a low-pressure setting.

Sure, dad and mom ought to hustle crying and fussing infants out — then carry them again in once they’ve calmed down (throughout applause in between musical alternatives). However right here’s a reminder: Many individuals are solely now venturing out once more after years of being sequestered. It’s noisy out right here on the planet!

You may attempt to hear the noises made by fractious infants as being a part of the bigger human symphony. To many people, it actually is music to our ears.

Expensive Amy: Earlier than my son was born greater than 40 years in the past, my ex-husband was mentioned to have a low sperm depend. We determined to make use of synthetic insemination to conceive our eldest. After he was born, we had two different kids naturally with out synthetic insemination. My husband and I divorced after 20 years of marriage. We’re each fortunately remarried.

My drawback is that I don’t know whether or not I ought to inform my son. I’ve tried to speak with my ex, and though we’re on pleasant phrases, he refuses to reply my texts about this. He clearly doesn’t need to take care of it.

I feel my son ought to know. After my ex and I are useless, he or one in all his kids could have a medical subject the place he must know the details of his conception. I’m in a quandary and do not know what to do.

Mother: You’re feeling strongly that your son ought to know the reality behind his conception. (I agree.) You aren’t in a position to get his father to take part on this vital dialog, however you might be his mom, so you must go forward and inform him. I consider that realizing the reality of your DNA is a human proper.

Your son may greet this information with shock, disbelief and disappointment. He may face a problem questioning how he pertains to his father and siblings. He may select to shelve this subject completely — or decide it up later. Open the door, and preserve it open. Let him stroll by. Reply each query in truth, and provide your continued assist.

The Donor Sibling Registry ( provides an array of instruments and data for donor-conceived individuals and their households.

Expensive Amy: Your reply to “Not Going to Apologize This Time” was unhealthy. Their father got here to point out his respect for his or her mom at her funeral. She was an enormous a part of his life, good and unhealthy. He could have many tender recollections. These kids denied him this poignant goodbye.

A funeral is a proper likelihood for everybody to mourn, not a time to air private resentment. I’m upset together with your reply.

V: This man, who handled their mom “terribly,” claimed that he was attending the funeral “to assist” his kids. His kids didn’t need him there. Displaying respect for his or her wants was a technique he might have honored the connection.

© 2023 by Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content material Company.

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