Carolyn Hax: Is it ever okay to ask for a plus-one to a marriage?


Tailored from a web-based dialogue.

Pricey Carolyn: Is it ever acceptable to ask for a plus-one to a marriage? I simply bought a destination-wedding invite for subsequent summer time from a detailed school pal. I anticipated I’d get a plus-one for my boyfriend of two years, though he hasn’t met this pal and it was simply my title on the save-the-date. (Different mutual buddies additionally had it addressed to their vital different.)

Often I’d simply ask my pal for readability, however I additionally don’t wish to be That Demanding Visitor. If my boyfriend have been included, we’d most likely go, in any other case I most likely received’t. How do I broach this with my pal, with out being That Individual?

— Not That Demanding Visitor

Not That Demanding Visitor: Simply don’t go. If this pal have been shut sufficient and your curiosity in being at her wedding ceremony have been robust sufficient, then you definitely’d go solo. And, in case you felt comfy sufficient together with her and together with your friendship to speak about it brazenly, then you definitely already would have performed it.

I put out a name for alternate viewpoints, particularly from brides or grooms who would wish to be requested. Right here’s a sampling of the responses:

· I might wish to be requested, however I’m usually the more-the-merrier kind. Additionally, if it was on goal (the marriage is small, for instance, they usually don’t know him), can he come to the vacation spot however not go to the marriage? Do the seashore/sightseeing/and so forth. on his personal that day?

· Nope, don’t ask. If I needed your boyfriend at my wedding ceremony, I might have requested you for his title or left a clean house for his RSVP. In any other case, assume he’s not invited.

· Ask if it was intentional and be ready to simply accept the sure with out stress for it to be a unique reply. I addressed a marriage invite to a pal that included her son on the interior envelope and didn’t notice I’d left his title off the outer envelope. I’m actually glad she checked in fairly than simply not come.

· Wedding ceremony planning is HARD, and so many issues fall by the cracks. We weren’t conscious a lot of our buddies whom we don’t see typically had severe vital others and have been completely happy to ask them. (Those that had been relationship for 2 weeks have been one other story.) Except your pal is far stronger than I, then she is juggling a thousand issues and simply could not have considered it. Be well mannered (“completely fantastic if not”) however simply ask. Are you able to inform my wedding ceremony is in a single week? Ship prayers. And anxiousness meds.

· I’d wish to be requested thusly: “Thanks for the invite! Are folks bringing their boyfriends?”

· I used to be glad my groomsman requested for a plus-one. I had form of fallen out of contact with “Joan” from my core group of faculty buddies, and prices and house have been points for us. We knew she had simply gotten engaged, and we hadn’t met her fiance, so we reluctantly determined to not invite them. Then the groomsman referred to as and requested me what we’d consider him bringing Joan as his plus-one, and we jumped at it. Plus, 25 years later, we dwell close to Joan and her now-husband and see them on an occasional foundation, which is good.

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