Carolyn Hax: She needs non-blingy ring didn’t bug her, but it surely does


Carolyn Hax is away. The next first appeared Nov. 7, 2008.

Expensive Carolyn: I do know I’m a horrible individual for admitting this, and be happy to throw flames at me, however I really feel insufficient about my engagement ring. My mother by no means even had one, and I do know enormous blingy rings are simply one other product of the Wedding ceremony Industrial Complicated that I so despise, however I simply can’t assist feeling dangerous after I see my mates’ large rocks in contrast with my (very pretty, however smaller) ring. A part of it could be resulting from the truth that my mates already suppose my fiance is poor, as a result of he has a blue-collar job, despite the fact that he makes a good residing. How do I cease feeling jealous of others and placing a lot significance on materials possessions?

D.C.: “My mates already suppose my fiance is poor”! Wow. Smaller rock, meet the laborious place: your conflicted emotions about standing. Even when your mates are hateful snobs, this appears like your insecurity speaking; you gravitate to status-conscious mates, then profess or parade that you simply’ve chosen humble issues. Sure? As in, the rock didn’t reject you; you rejected the rock?

It’s a idea. If it has no benefit, then that is in all probability all simply bling envy. Admit you’re impressed by opulence and depart it at that.

If the idea does have benefit, then subsequent query: Is bringing a “blue-collar” fiance into your (apparently) white-collar world one other ostentatious rejection of one thing you secretly worth? If that’s the case, please ensure you’re smitten with the individual, not the assertion he makes.

Hello, Carolyn: My buddy and I’ve been shut for years. She was the primary buddy I made in school, and she or he and I’ve been via every part, akin to dangerous relationships, my popping out of the closet, a nasty roommate, household, sorority points and commencement.

I’ve now realized I’m in love together with her. I do know she is straight and can by no means like me like that. However what do I do about it? I really feel as if I’m in a no-win state of affairs. I put on my coronary heart on my sleeve, and we spend numerous time with one another, so my hiding issues from her is just not an choice. And due to my emotions for her, I discover myself getting mad at her over silly issues, then crying about it. So do I inform her and threat shedding her friendship, or not inform her and conceal it by simply avoiding her altogether?

Shedding a Buddy: You inform her — however you don’t current it within the type of an unstated query, the “Do you’re keen on me again?” that lurks in so many declarations of affection. As an alternative, you inform her as an evidence: “The rationale I’ve been an erratic, weeping mess these days is that I’ve fallen for you, and I do know it’s inconceivable. I hope you will be affected person with me whereas I take care of this.” There’s no means to not put her on the spot, however at the least this manner you’re asking for one thing she may give you: endurance. Present yours by giving her room to course of the information.

It’s doable that she gained’t reply nicely, which you can’t win, that you simply lose your buddy both means. However avoiding her altogether, whereas shielding you from rejection, ensures you lose the friendship. Admitting your emotions at the least offers your friendship an opportunity.

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