Miss Manners: Can I ask folks in entrance of me at occasions to take a seat down?

Expensive Miss Manners: At an occasion the place virtually everyone seems to be seated, am I impolite for asking somebody standing in entrance of me to take a seat down? Or is that individual extra impolite?

I understand that there are a number of eventualities the place its robust cookies for me if I determine to take a seat, comparable to a stadium rock live performance or a pep rally. That, I get.

What I dont get is individuals who act prefer it’s no huge deal to face in entrance of anybody seated. To me, that’s the peak of inconsideration. They appear to get offended and argue with me — regardless of how well mannered I’m — once I ask them to take a seat. I’m starting to suppose that what I take into account “well mannered” may not meet another person’s definition.

Is there a extra well mannered method for me to ask of us to take a seat down, or am I out of luck?

Questions on who is being the rudest don’t typically attraction to Miss Manners, whose mission is to make everybody extra well mannered, to not preserve rating.

However asking somebody to take a seat down shouldn’t be inherently impolite, as long as you phrase it as a query, not a requirement — and may keep away from conveying, on the identical time, what you consider the offender.

Expensive Miss Manners: I belong to a group group that performs mah-jongg as soon as per week. We’re a pleasant bunch that welcomes inexperienced gamers.

Most newcomers are inclined to play very slowly and are conscious they’re holding up the sport. Totally different newbies deal with the scenario in numerous methods. For instance, one individual may sit out each different recreation, whereas one other may play just one recreation every session. Step by step, everybody who likes the sport and sticks with it learns to play and joins in an increasing number of.

Theres by no means been an issue till now. A current addition to the group insists on enjoying each recreation. She takes an unlimited size of time to determine what tile to discard, checking and rechecking the cardboard for a potential successful hand.

The result’s that the remainder of the folks at her desk spend many of the two hours we’ve to play sitting and ready. We’ve got tried beginning a low-volume dialog whereas we wait, however she joins in, which solely makes issues worse. We’ve got tried in a pleasant method (as we’ve achieved with others) to offer her some ideas which are useful for learners. Up to now, she hasnt adopted our recommendation.

How would Miss Manners deal with the scenario?

You’d, Miss Manners hopes, take into account it unsporting when you hid the principles of the sport from new gamers. So why make them guess on the etiquette?

Agree upon a system, and inform the newcomers what is anticipated. Virtually any system will do: that newcomers are assigned a companion, are instructed to take a seat out each different recreation, or are given the obligation of replenishing the snacks. Any of those would give the extra skilled gamers some reduction.

New Miss Manners columns are posted Monday by way of Saturday on You may ship inquiries to Miss Manners at her web site, You may as well observe her @RealMissManners.

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