Miss Manners: I invited a colleague to my marriage ceremony. Then they acquired fired.


Expensive Miss Manners: Some months in the past, we invited my colleague X to our marriage ceremony. I’ve by no means been very shut with X, however a number of others at my job are, so X acquired an invitation. That was our first mistake.

Since that point, X had an altercation on the job that resulted in termination. Being very vocal and dramatic, X is now taking authorized motion. Nobody at work, least of all myself, supported X’s place. Now, a number of friends have expressed discomfort at attending my marriage ceremony if X will likely be current, and they’re contemplating backing out.

It appears I’ve three choices to keep away from drama — a minimum of on the marriage ceremony. 1. Uninvite X, although I see no means that etiquette offers for this; 2. Ship X a well mannered missive permitting a sleek exit, with maybe a veiled warning about matters to be averted ought to X nonetheless determine to attend; and three. Place X at a desk distant from anybody from the office and hope for one of the best. Ideas?

Possibility 3. And Miss Manners suggests the youngsters’s desk, the place X’s drama and potential altercations will likely be met in sort.

Expensive Miss Manners: We have been invited to a celebration personally over the cellphone, then we have been informed to not come by the identical individual (once more over the cellphone).

Is that this ever okay? No, nothing nefarious occurred between these cellphone calls.

Did one thing nefarious occur to the hosts? This is able to be the one well mannered purpose for canceling on you: in the event that they have been unable to carry the occasion in any respect.

A second rationalization is perhaps a change of their necessities for admittance. New coronavirus variants or security suggestions would possibly trigger them to disinvite friends who don’t meet the factors.

Both means, it must be clearly, politely and equitably communicated.

Don’t, Miss Manners warns, confuse this with the rule about friends not needing an excuse for declining invites prematurely. Hosts are actually required to present one for rescinding after the actual fact — and one, at that.

New Miss Manners columns are posted Monday via Saturday on You may ship inquiries to Miss Manners at her web site, You may as well observe her @RealMissManners.

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