Miss Manners: My good friend gave me a present made by somebody who bullies me


Pricey Miss Manners: I’m good buddies with a girl, and we’ve a mutual acquaintance, Jason. He’s a bully and has low-key harassed me through the years. I do my best possible to keep away from him and his spouse, which works, for essentially the most half.

I’ve not informed my good friend about Jason’s meanness and bullying, as a result of I don’t want to pull her into it. Sadly, she gave me a present that was made by Jason and his spouse. I didn’t need this merchandise in my home and donated it the following day to a thrift retailer.

Now I really feel dangerous, as my good friend spent a very good amount of cash for this merchandise. I’m questioning if I ought to have gently suggested her of the scenario, graciously declined the reward and let her go it alongside to somebody who would have appreciated it. She is completely unaware of the damage this man and his spouse have triggered me, and she or he was very beneficiant with this reward.

Is there one thing else I ought to have achieved? What do I do if it occurs once more?

The concept it is feasible to harass somebody in a low-key manner is, Miss Manners realizes, not distinctive to you. However she can not assist noticing that the illogic of concurrently hyping and downplaying no matter occurred is what led to your current confusion.

In case you had been harassed, then you’ll have an obligation to warn your good friend about Jason. If, as an alternative, the conduct was merely annoying or insulting, with out being harassing, then your intuition to not drag your good friend into it was the precise one.

Pricey Miss Manners: When one has acquired a guide as a gift, ought to one wait till skimming or studying the guide to touch upon it within the thank-you response? Or ought to the thank-you be instant, saving all feedback on the guide for one more communication?

Thank the giver now, earlier than studying the guide. In case you then prefer it, then it provides you with one thing to speak about when subsequent you meet. In case you hate the guide, however are requested about it, you possibly can repeat how a lot you’re looking ahead to studying it.

Pricey Miss Manners: Answering the cellphone just isn’t my job, however I nonetheless accomplish that about 10 or 12 occasions a day. Typically, individuals grasp up with out saying something.

I assume it’s because they understand they’ve dialed the mistaken quantity. However I used to be beneath the impression that it’s impolite to hold up silently and that one ought to apologize briefly. When wrong-number callers say one thing, at the very least I do know that the cellphone name was not an necessary name with a dropped connection.

You’re appropriate that hanging up on one other particular person is impolite, however Miss Manners, uncharacteristically, will make one, small concession to the Effectivity Over Etiquette crowd:

In case you, because the mis-caller, can grasp up shortly sufficient to imagine, in your coronary heart, that the decision didn’t undergo, she is prepared to miss a single, stray beep from one other digital gadget she by no means actually wished.

New Miss Manners columns are posted Monday by means of Saturday on washingtonpost.com/advice. You’ll be able to ship inquiries to Miss Manners at her web site, missmanners.com. You may as well comply with her @RealMissManners.

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