Miss Manners: What do you say to, ‘Thanks for asking’?


Pricey Miss Manners: I would really like your opinion on a pattern in conversational courtesy.

Different individual: “Hello! How are you?”

Me: “Wonderful, thanks, how are you?”

Different individual: “I’m positive, thanks for asking.”

Why “Thanks for asking?” Ought to I’ve stated that, too? I did thank them, however not as elaborately. I really feel as if one thing else must be stated with a purpose to transfer on to the aim of the dialog, however what? “You’re welcome” is absurd. It jars, and I’m unsure why, so I simply blunder on with the dialog.

When shopkeepers collectively found “Have a pleasant day,” quite a lot of Miss Manners’ mild readers objected that the sentiment expressed was disingenuous. She reminded them to not take things like greater than bizarre politeness: Not each morning is sweet, in any case, however we nonetheless say “Good morning.”

“Thanks for asking” is little question well-intentioned, however not obligatory. In some unspecified time in the future we’re going to need to cease including phrases in order that we will even have our day.

Pricey Miss Manners: Is it correct to ask pals to your child bathe who got here to your marriage ceremony a 12 months in the past, however who weren’t invited to your bridal bathe?

It’s affordable to assume that our nearest and dearest rejoice in our luck. However Miss Manners has lengthy believed that it’s unhealthy coverage to check these emotions unnecessarily, which is one motive she objects to the proliferation of further gift-giving alternatives round main life celebrations.

Your query raises one other: How does one exclude a visitor from one occasion in a sequence with out trying as for those who despatched them house with out dessert?

One can’t, which is why one has to assume again to the distinct occasions being celebrated — on this case, a marriage and a delivery. Regardless of the connection between these two, etiquette has lengthy thought of them separate causes for celebration. This absolves you of getting to recycle the visitor record, regardless of the order during which the celebrations occurred.

Pricey Miss Manners: I typically have grownup guests of assorted ages keep at my home. Generally within the afternoon, whereas watching tv or when everyone seems to be sitting round speaking, somebody will unintentionally go to sleep.

I take it as a praise that they’re able to calm down in my presence. But when I wanted to wake the individual up, how would I kindly accomplish that? Or when the individual wakes up and appears embarrassed, how do I reassure them that it’s okay that they had been resting?

Lastly, how ought to I deal with the state of affairs if I ever go to sleep with out that means to, whether or not as a bunch or a visitor?

One of the simplest ways to exhibit that it isn’t an issue is to take little or no discover: Have interaction the individual when awake, overlook any discomfort demonstrated, and quietly take away any objects — reminiscent of empty glasses — that look like at risk.

As a visitor, you could count on the identical courtesy out of your host. When you go to sleep at your personal celebration, it might be value apologizing — notably for those who wake to search out the company gone, the lights off and the dishes put away (during which case, the apology would require a name or notice).

New Miss Manners columns are posted Monday by means of Saturday on You may ship inquiries to Miss Manners at her web site, You may as well comply with her @RealMissManners.

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